4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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