were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
