Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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