I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
