i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
