We're facebook friends in real life
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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