dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
