Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
