I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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