I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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