It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
