Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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