just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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