First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
