You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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