i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
