If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
how does that bad decision feel?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
