Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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