YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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