He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
