He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
