he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
