I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize