so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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