I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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