I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize