just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
