Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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