Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize