i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
