i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
