He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
