what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
