remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just had sex bonerless
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
