Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
