The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
