Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
