we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize