Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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