so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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