Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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