Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
