Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
