I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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