how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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