The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
