i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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