that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My vagina just clenched in fear
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize