Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
