drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize