I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
