Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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