dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
