I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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