So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
