That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We're too hungover to prance.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize