I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
