u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
