I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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