I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
